~Reality in Consciousness
-Healing in the Now-
This morning I was brainstorming out loud about the experiences in life and what I have gained from them this far. It was like a form of meditation because I have a lot of mental energy to the point where I need to express thoughts and feelings to myself quite often. While in this state of healing, I am learning things about myself in alignment with what I’ve come to know about the inner-self, and what’s it’s like to have a purpose in my life today.
One of the more recent and prominent mental thoughts that stuck with me for some time was actually manifested about one week ago when I woke up at 3:33 am. In awareness of the numbers and the fact that I had been raised quickly from my sleep to observe the time on the cell phone, as I straightaway sat up was a sign to be aware of. A few hours later, I officially woke for the day feeling emotional, and not in the depressed or a sad way of feeling, but where I had oddly felt required to release past residual energy. This energy was in relation to me speaking my truths. And if you have read my earlier blogs where it indicates specifically to my truths adjoined with earlier challenges in life, then you probably would know where I’m coming from here to that regard.
Don’t get me wrong, the blog’s title is in correlation to my point arriving soon as you read this message further on. After I expressed what some would call “affirmations”, but what felt like the releasing of stagnant energies, I went on throughout my day. It was when I began preparing lunch and then received a random email from a close but distant relative that held a passive aggressive energy within the message. The person usually texts but had some desire to email me instead. The email included statements such as, 1) my brother and I have a long way to go, 2) he (close-distant relative) was tired of being used, 3) asking when was someone going to do something from him (close-distant relative), 4) and lastly that Atlanta would be a better place for me to live. Of course, I did think before responding to this delusional and sad being. But first, let’s define what a close but distant relative is. It is where you live within the proximity of an immediate relative but communicates like acquaintances living on different continents in the world. Anyways, instead of cussing this person out, something I would’ve done just a few short months ago, I replied with an OK and LOL. Then and only for a few hours, my return reply did satisfy the non-emotional feedback deploy that I gave. But there was something inside of me that was furious. Mind you, and to clarify the close but distant relative emails: Number 1) my brother and I are still here on earth growing into our true individualism. Something we weren’t capable of doing due to many factors that I do not wish to draw out here. 2) my brother and I have simply never asked this delusional being for anything! We were raised by our guardian to not ask for things because they did not have the means of providing it for us. This has subconsciously built barriers around our psyche for when It’s time to ask for help. 3) I gave up the notion a long time ago to wait for someone to do something for me. I do for self-first, therefore I can only reflect on my own suppose mistakes in life. 4) I made an error by telling the close but distant relative about one of my manifestations through conversation one day, and now I know how they feel about it.
What troubled me the most over the course of the next few days, before snapping back into reality was the fact that my close but distant relative is only concerned with how things look, showing up for appearances, and smiling for the pictures. There’s no interest in my internal self, and I’ve come to understand that he’s always been this way. Gone for months and years at a time, but then all of a sudden show up on graduation day as a true stranger. Unfortunately, the random email outburst is showing signs of a new unwell mental behavior taking hold with a new form of denial.
My immediate relatives are only interested in by what they see on the outside of me. They see a pretty face that should have materialized more material things in life thus far. Even when I am talking about my Naturopath course and study that I’ve gracefully immersed myself into, or my first book due for self-publication will still ring upon their death ears. But if I were to talk about attending some university or working in somebody’s hospital then that conversation will be received more openly.
All the while, my focus is on spirituality and all that it entails, nutrition (studying to become a Naturopath), being a Successful Entrepreneur, Authoring, and there’s so much more to my internal self that only I can recognize today.
In effort to not draw out this blog into a book, and get to the meat of the subject that had turned out to be a challenge for the day, I considered over 20 great things that I’ve noticed about self after discovering my true purpose in life, regardless of what embarrassment I am to the immediate family which equals out to their deep denial within themselves. For now, and since I’ve said a lot already, I’ll talk about the top three internal changes, and possessing the opportunity to spiritually grow and reflect on them each day.
Breaking down barriers is difficult, but for me, it must be swiftly recognized, disassembled, and not left alone to fester! For example, I worked inside a medical facility for nine years straight. The thought that I needed to go to “work” day-after-day in order to make rent, I had allowed for my anxiety to heighten. I despised the fact that everyone was getting sick, becoming sicker, the politics within management, constant change of owners, and low-payed staff had internalized into a form of illness. Every morning I would feel nauseous before rolling out of bed. It even went as far as to producing emesis as I brushed my teeth. I ignored these signs and many more of them because I felt like I didn’t have a choice but to attend work as scheduled. My nerves were frazzled and all who were around me could sense this. I drank 5hr energy drinks, Rock Stars, Starbucks, Red Bulls, and etc. throughout my shift to remain in an action style of a mode in times of an unexpected emergency, that which occurred everyday inside the facility. So, after putting 9 years into an unforgiving institution, I was fired. Now, I wake up each day putting forth 99.9% into my purpose/passion in life outside of the healthcare system. Whether it is writing, researching, and/or taking time out for me, I’ve decreased my anxiety to a non-existent factor. I can still recall the feelings of uneasiness each day when I brush my teeth today, even after 2.5 years later. I will always give attention to this experience simultaneously with understanding my purpose and what “work” really looks like for me in the now.
The second important awakening that I’ve discovered about myself as I live in purpose was to not give attention to my lower-vibrational, critical self. I can take self-criticism in relation to my experiences on many different angles. For instance, I’m aware of how exercise is part of a daily wellness routine. For some time, I did jog five days a week, but then I would unconsciously become bored with the same repetitive activity. I changed routes, ordered new earbuds, and etc. to combat the feeling of not putting in the initial effort and excitement as I did before when I started to jog. All of my proceeds to feel better about the daily activity just did not last. Instead of speaking critically about the stagnation in my running time, I thought clearly about why this routine wasn’t working. I like constant change, due to the fact that I do become bored very easily after mastering one thing, so I need a change from time-to-time in all things. Therefore, instead of applying running outside as a daily exercise that I just have to do, I’ve created different workouts throughout the week to perform instead. My purpose factors here in the knowing, where I know myself well enough to not rely on redundancy as my go-to activity. When once before it was much easier for negative vibrations to establish itself as a forefront in my subconscious. After exercise, I not only feel more confident, but I tell myself how good I feel too, visually checking this success story off of the daily -to-do list. Giving myself positive feedback has its benefits today while pursuing my purpose.
Creating a vision board has been an exemplary message of divine purpose that I will acquire throughout time in my prompt manifestations. It gives me a stronger depiction of things that are being revealed in real time. For example, while focusing in on the success from my first book and its completion, at the same time, I’ve received ideas for a title for my second and third book series while sitting at the space of my vision board. Without me going out to research the second book’s subject matter, it was being revealed to me by what I am reading in the chapters of the now. What I have written on my vision board have become more prominent outside of my usual surroundings. The places that I will visit which are written on my vision board are now popular in random people’s conversation, and/or is a topic on a TV show that I just so happen to be watching that day. Whenever I’m in the same room with my vision boards, I smile on the inside knowing that my purpose is in the works. I am more focused, I am grateful, and more importantly, by studying myself I have passion and a driven purpose for life.
All of what I’ve said is just a tip-off of an iceberg of who I am as an individual today. Waking up at 3:33 am that morning, feeling emotional, releasing energy, and experiencing what I think of as a challenge with a relative were all signs to continue my purposes more eagerly in life. I don’t need for anyone to give me a pat on the back nor any congrats for how I’ve changed over the years. I am still by with knowing and in amazement as I reflect on my higher-self of being today. No one will truly understand my strides but my physical-self today, Ashe.
Have you discovered your mission in life yet? Do you see numerical messages throughout the day? What challenges have you overcome?
Live out your Life with and on Purpose Everyday with no regrets, Peace.
Written By: S.J
Clickable Resources Below:
"How to Build a Dynamic Support Team"
"Organizing Your Living Space w/Adaptive Devices"
"Affirmations | for a Sexual Abuse Survivor | Part 1 "
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~The Traditional Modalities for Healing by: Reality S.J Fields
About the Author
S.J is a Certified Holistic Health Counselor, Health & Wellness Consultant, Author of “The Traditional Modalities for Healing”, Blogger & owner of www.realitynconsciousness.com. In her Blogs, she enjoys writing Inspirational Tips about the utilization of Holistic Tools, such as Mindfulness, Awareness of the inner-self & its environment, weekly Affirmations for Sexual Abuse Survivors, & Afrikan Spirituality. She also loves reading, travel, fitness, & creating new vegan recipes.
Shaw Nee Janelle